


Good Intentions

by Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that



Series: Why [10]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Asgard, Domestic Violence, Hate, Implied Sexual Content, Loki-centric, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 21,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2104605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that/pseuds/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story that shows why Loki is the way that he is and what transpired to get him there. As well as why the remaining Odinson family members know why sometimes good intentions aren't enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Thor.
> 
> Prologue happens after TDW most of the rest happens in the past.
> 
> Warning: Domestic abuse, Slash but not Thorki. Lots of angst.
> 
> The Avengers are not really a part of this story just there to introduce it. Also the first chapter is Thor's point of view but a good part of the rest will be from Loki's.
> 
> It's kind of light and fluffy at first but don't worry if angst is your thing it steadily gets more and more angsty.

Thor was in the Avengers tower gazing at the city which was far beneath him. The city was lit up very brightly. There were still many people scurrying around on the ground. From this height though they looked like ants rather than people.

"So Thor? Why doesn't reindeer games like you?" Thor frowned and turned to face the room where Bruce, Steve and Pepper were all glaring at Tony, who simply shrugged.

"I'm just wondering is he just completely unhinged? Or is there a reason he's tried to kill you so many times?" Thor knew that Tony was sometimes very blunt, particularly when he drank a lot of the beverage called alcohol. Thor hadn't expected the question though and he didn't like to think about the answer. Thor found his way to a couch and promptly collapsed upon it.

"Thor you don't have to answer that; sometimes Tony just puts his foot in his mouth." Steve said with a glare at Tony who shrugged but started to look a little apologetic. The truth was that Thor wasn't sure why Loki was the way he was. As children they may not have been close as some siblings were but he had always thought that they had a good relationship.

He knew that Loki's heritage had played a part in his madness, but it seemed so strange. Like one moment they were fine and the next they were enemies. Even though he now knew that Loki had manipulated him into going into Jotunheim to stop him from becoming king, and that Loki had told the frost giants about a secret passageway into Asgard. Thor wasn't exactly sure when it was that Loki had come to resent him so much that he would let their enemy into their home and end a thousand war truce, just because Loki didn't want him to become king.

But...he felt as if he should know. There was guilt buried deep inside of him and seemed like it had always been there. What he felt guilty for he wasn't sure. Perhaps it was for leaving Loki alone too often. Even if Loki had asked him to. Perhaps it was for speaking to him often times roughly back before he had come to Midgard. He knew he had been a bit brash back then especially to Loki. So maybe he could see how Loki could resent him enough not to want him to be king. However he was sure that nothing he had done or not done to Loki was bad enough for Loki to try to kill him. Except...the guilt persisted.

"I know not." Thor finally said aloud and looked down at the coffee table wondering why that felt like a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional Warning: Rating is due to violence and implied sex but will not actually feature fruit of the citrus persuasion.
> 
> A/N: I'm going to have short chapters but it should be updated frequently.


	2. Chapter 2

500 years ago

Loki knew how to walk silently. It was a skill he had perfected as a child sneaking around to play his pranks. It was useful for another reason now. Loki used his hand to cover his mouth when he wanted to giggle, since he knew that they couldn't be seen. His other hand was in Atli's own hand as Loki pulled him along. Atli wasn't as familiar with the layout of the castle as he was. Although if Loki was being perfectly honest Atli could probably find his own way. Atli was a warrior in training a very good looking warrior in training and very smart and sweet. Atli was a couple of centuries older than him and unlike Loki had the blond hair blue eyes that most of the rest of Asgard did. Atli had broad shoulders and was a couple of inches taller than Loki was as well. He like Thor looked like an ideal Asgardian. Loki for a moment felt a surge of envy but then got distracted by how attractive Atli was.

Loki grinned as he held Atli's hand, feeling like just holding his hand made him warmer. That was quite the feat since he always seemed to be cold. Loki reminded himself that it was just three more corridors than they would finally be alone. Loki looked around the corner and when he saw it was clear pulled Atli behind him. Loki speed up in a little in anticipation. The corridors were dark since it was past midnight. Midnight, though, was the only time that Atli could be away and not get into trouble. At least that was the goal to not get Atli into trouble. Loki frowned momentarily at the thought of being caught but then smiled again because it was unlikely that Atli would get caught. Loki had left an illusion of Atli sleeping and as long as nobody got too close in the night then nobody would know. Loki turned one last corner and saw his room. They would be safe in there. Loki picked up the speed a little and Atli picked up the speed even more as they ran into Loki's room.

As soon as the door was closed Atli pressed him into the wall. Atli liked to take control and because Loki loved him he let him. Even though that wasn't normally what he would do. Atli pressed his tongue against his lips and Loki allowed it. It felt so good, so nice. Loki couldn't belief he was going to have to wait another week before doing this again. He shoved that thought out of his mind. He convinced himself that that just meant he was going to have to enjoy it enough to make it last the whole week. Atli pressed his hand to Loki's stomach under his shirt and said with his voice filled with lust.

"Mine." he said stroking his stomach. Loki nodded his always his. Loki found himself suddenly without his shirt but he didn't mind he most certainly didn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't write smut so this is about as close as we're going to get to it maybe a little beyond but no actual citrus. The Mature rating is for violence and later angst.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki pulled a new shirt on after having already having gotten the rest of the way dressed and looked out the window. Atli had left after they had finished last night and was already back where he was supposed to be. Loki couldn't believe he had to wait another week before seeing Atli again. Atli's group was doing a training exercise in the forest around Asgard. They had probably left first thing in the moment when Loki had still been asleep. Loki looked at the forest in the distance and knew that was where Atli would be.

Part of him wanted to ride out there on his horse and make up some pretense just so he could see Atli. Although it was hard, Loki resisted the urge knowing that it would raise questions if he were to do so. No one knew about them, and that was the way it had to be even if Loki didn't like it most of the time. Loki was a prince and a boy and Atli was a warrior in training and a boy. They were from two different social classes and Asgard also didn't look fondly on same-sex relationships.

If they were found out then Atli could be put to death just for being with him. Which Loki did not want. Even though he would like to tell Thor that he was with someone since Thor was always teasing him about being alone. But he didn't want to put Atli life in danger more than he wanted to show Thor. Loki padded his way over to the wall. His bedroom walls along with all of his quarters were covered from the ceiling to the floor in book shelves. Loki picked a book at random which just happened to be a book about myths, legends and history. Loki flipped to a random page since he had already read the book before twice and it wasn't so much stories but an encyclopedia.

Armarks.

Armarks are a parasitic race that live in the brain of their hosts. Not much is known about them or known if they are a myth or extinct but they haven't been mentioned since the days of Buri.

Loki shivered a little. Not much was known about Armarks but he was glad that they appeared to be either mythical or extinct, he would hate to think of them still being around. He quickly changed the page to one that scared him so much.

Thanos

Destroyer and courter of death.

Loki shut the book he found that he was not in the mood to read about Thanos today. Normally he found Thanos's story interesting enough, but not today. He traded the book for another this one on magic. He had always loved magic ever since he could remember. Creating illusions and playing tricks were some of favorite things to do. Loki could create illusions that nobody saw through. Compared to some other magic users Loki might not be able to much, but he was always up to learning and advancing more. Besides, it would get his mind off the fact that he wasn't going to be seeing Atli for the entire week. There were also a few spells he needed to practice for when the time came that he would need them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like it.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki watched the sun as it went down. He wished that just once he could do this with Atli but Atli would never be able to leave training at this time. Normally Loki would try to think of way to get what he wanted regardless but Atli probably wouldn't go for it, he probably wouldn't like it. As he watched the setting sun Loki sighed. The oranges, pink and reds in the sky made the sky look glorious. He heard a knock on his door but didn't respond, since he was pretty sure he knew who it was just by the loud boisterous knock.

"Loki!" Thor's voice filled his chambers even though Thor was still on the outside of the door. Loki rolled his eyes, his brother was never one to take a hint. Loki sighed but flicked his hand unlocking the door before Thor accidentally broke his door down, it had happened before. Thor came into his room with mud on his boots. Loki frowned at that first in distaste at Thor not respecting his room and secondly since it hadn't rained in a few days. He wondered exactly where it was that Thor went that had wet ground? Thor's face wasn't his usual happy smiling face that always seemed to remind him of a puppy. Instead the look on Thor's face was that of worry.

"Loki you did not join us at dinner. Are you ill?" Thor asked and Loki sighed again. He had forgotten how hyper vigilant his brother could be. Especially since his friends Hogun, Sif, Fandral, and Volstagg were in the same training group at Atli. Which meant that they were like Atli gone for the entire week. Loki should have expected this, but he hadn't. He was used to being ignored by Thor. He had just forgot that Thor remembered him when he had no one else to hang around with and annoy. It made him bristle at bit that Thor only hang around him when Loki was sick or when his other friends were gone. It bothered especially when he remember how close they used to be. But they had been children then and people grew up and apart such was the way of things, even if he felt slightly bitter about it. Which was why Loki wrapped his arms around each other and said stiffly.

"I'm fine Thor I just wasn't feeling hungry." he said which was true. He had been feeling a little depressed about being away from Atli. Prentending that he was feeling fine with the whole of Asgard watching him hadn't exactly been something he had been up to at the time. Well maybe not watching him exactly but their cold suspicious eyes streaking by him occasionally. Just enough to point out to him that he could simultaneously be ignored and stared at the same time, somehow. He was used being ignored and it really used to bother him. Not anymore though because now he had Atli and Atli loved him. He had even told him so more than once. Loki smiled suddenly at the memories and then stopped when he remembered that Atli was still going to be gone for so long.

"Loki." Loki blinked at looked at Thor who looking at him strangely and he had a feeling that Thor had called his name more than once. Thor didn't know about Atli. Then again no one did, no one could ,because it wouldn't be safe for anyone to know about Atli.

"Loki are you sure you're okay?" Thor asked concerned and Loki fought the urge to roll his eyes and managed, just barely. Thor didn't care if he spent weeks inside his room normally. It was only because his usual playmates were gone that he cared. Thor would be going on the next one of these excursion along with his friends. The only reason he hadn't gone on this one was because their father had council meetings that he had wanted Thor to sit in on.

"I'm fine Thor but I am getting a little tired so..." he trailed off hoping that Thor would get the message. After a long moment Thor blinked and nodded.

"I will see you later brother." Thor said then turned around and walked away.

As Loki watched him go and looked at the muddy boot prints on the floor, he realized that he never did figure out how Thor got the mud on his boots. Loki shrugged and turned towards the sun, which had gone down a bit further while he had been conversing with Thor. He looked at the edge of the forest. The edge of the forest was the only part of it that he could see from any of his windows, since his room was facing the wrong way.

He wanted Atli more than anything right now. Atli was the only who understood him. The only one who really loved him. It was like there was physical ache in him to not have Atli there by his side. Loki stood up from the window seat he had been sitting on and made his way over his bed and sat down slowly and carefully. As he sat he made sure to take special care to leave a good amount of space on the bed and looked at the ceiling. He wished he knew how to work teleportation spells but that was advanced magic. As such it was a magic that he wouldn't probably be ready for for at least another 500 years. Instead he cast an illusion of Atli laying next to him on the bed. Atli was smiling at him and Loki smiled back. He couldn't touch the illusion. Couldn't card his fingers through the long blond locks the way that he wanted to at the moment. Couldn't pull Atli's warm body to him to keep Loki warm in the night. He could look at Atli and pretend that he really was there which helped him to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think


	5. Chapter 5

Loki woke to the sound of knocking...again and Loki knew it was Thor, again. Loki looked at the time and sighed. His brother irritating seemed to be a morning person, always waking up the sun. Whereas Loki tended to be... well he wasn't exactly a night person; so much as a sleep whenever his body decided to grant it kind of person. Last night he had gone to sleep fairly well, but he was still a little tired. Not that it mattered. Any thought his body had had about sleeping anymore were now thoroughly spoiled with the loud knocking that Thor was doing.

"Thor I'm going to kill you." Loki hissed under his breath as he sat up and turned so that he was sitting up in bed. He had half a mind to keep making Thor knock on his door. In the end though he decided that since that could mean another door was in his future and he rather liked his current one; he huffed but unlocked the door. Thor bounded in like this was his room and not Loki's.

"Thor, what are you doing here?" Loki asked snippy.

"Brother, we should go on an adventure today." Loki lifted an eyebrow then coolly said he was really not the adventuring type. He had only ever gone before to please Thor, but he didn't need to unnecessarily please Thor anymore, because he had Atli who always loved him...and going would make things unnecessarily difficult for him. Besides he was sore and riding on a horse all day sounded like a terrible idea.

"No," he said.

"Come on brother, it will be an adventure." Loki did roll his eyes that time. What was it with Asgardians and adventures? Always trying to put themselves into an early grave for no reason other than it would be an adventure? If Loki was going to risk his life, it would at least be for a good reason.

"This is why they think you a coward." Loki glared at Thor for a moment before allowing his mask of indifference to cover his face. Many did think him a coward for using magic and for not having a death wish. They were right though for another reason though and he knew they were right, which was why it hurt even more. Thor didn't seem to realize how much his words had hurt him. But that was why he supposed he had developed the mask in the first place, to hide from the truth and to not let others see how much their words bothered him. He wished Atli would come home now. With Atli around everything was better...most of the time. Loki looked up at Thor.

"Leave," he said sharply not wanting to have to look at Thor anymore. Thor looked at him and seemed to realize that he said something wrong. "Leave." Loki said again louder not wanting to have to deal with another one of Thor apologies. The ones that Thor said when he wasn't even completely sure what it was that he was apologizing for and just apologizing to relieve his feelings of guilt. Thor looked at him like a kicked dog and Loki sighed

"Leave Thor, before I turn your hair green." he threatened since his brother was particularly fond of his blond locks, and was always extra embarrassed when Loki messed with his hair. The vain man. Thor nodded and headed out of the room.

Loki sighed with relief when Thor left the room. Loki got up from his bed and made his way into the his personal bath, where he stripped down until he was naked. Loki looked momentarily at himself in the mirror, where he looked at his face carefully as well as the rest of his body. He nodded at his image, then tucked some of his dark hair behind his ear, before getting the bath and turning on the taps. Only three more days until Atli came home and Loki couldn't wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like this.


	6. Chapter 6

Only one more day to go then Atli would be home again. Loki smiled, he couldn't wait to feel his lover's arms around him... and the rest of him too Loki thought with a lusty smile. Loki looked around to make sure no one was looking at him, but he needn't have worried since there was hardly anyone ever in the library. The Aesir were about battle and glory first. Intelligence came often times 3 or 4th. It was only because their long lives that they had the technology that they did.

He went back to his book on magic. He had spent most of the week working on it. Although he had had to leave his books a few times, when his brother via their father's commands had forced him to train. Which hadn't gone well, it rarely even did. Especially since magic wasn't allowed in the training sessions; not that it probably would have made much of a difference since he had sparred with his brother. Which resulted in his body being a sore mess, again. Thor had clapped a hand over his shoulder when they were done- right where there was a particularly big bruise- to show his appreciation that Loki had fought with him. Loki's body was extremely sore, but he could deal with it. He was a lot less tender and fragile than Thor and his parents thought he was.

Loki today was focusing on healing spells. Technically, he probably shouldn't be doing or even attempting these kinds of spells without a senior healer around, in case he said or did something wrong. Loki  had long ago stopped following most of the rules about when and who with he had to do spells. Still he wasn't going to be actually trying any of the spells that day. They required a lot of book knowledge before he could even try to cast a healing spell successfully. Still it was a good spell to learn. Someone sat down across from him and he didn't have to take his eyes off his book to know who it was.

"Healing spells? Aren't you supposed to have a senior healer around?" Thor asked and Loki rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but we both know that we both always listen to the rules," Loki said sarcastically. Thor after a moment nodded, Loki was not the only one who broke rules and Thor knew it. Even if Loki did tend to break them more than Thor.

"You don't mean to heal your own wounds?" Thor asked. Even though from the tone of his voice it didn't seem like he really believed it.

"I told you, Thor, I'm fine," Loki said. Thor nodded as his eyes looked over the other titles on the table, all of them were about healing.

"I know I don't know much about magic but isn't healing magic too advanced for you?" Loki momentarily looked away from his book to Thor.

"You're right, you don't know much about healing magic," Loki said stiffly.

"Brother you seem to be cross with me still." Loki froze for a second at the pitiful sound of Thor's voice. He had always had a hard time saying no to Thor when he got like this. He was pretty sure most people did. Which was why Thor got his way most of the time and never got punished for anything. Loki was about to back down before he remembered why he was being snippy.

"Congratulations on the marvelous deduction," he said and grabbed the healing books intent to take them to his room where he could study them in peace.

"Loki," Thor said at his back but Loki didn't turn around, even though there was a part of him that wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

Loki wished he could rush outside and met Atli, but he couldn't. He was going to have to wait until night and he hated it. Jealously ran through him as he watched Thor embrace his friends in the feasting hall.

Loki suddenly felt not hungry and he looked at his barely touched plate. Thor had once again abandoned him as soon as his friends came back. A small voice in the back of Loki's mind reminded him that Loki hadn't exactly made it easy to bond with him, and that it was better off this way. Safer for everyone involved. Still there was a part of him that missed Thor. Loki shook his head, he had made his choice and tried to tell himself that he never regretted it. The longer he stared at Thor though the more he wasn't sure, so he decided to leave the eating hall. However before he managed to escape he saw Thor coming towards him. He winced especially since Thor's friends were following in his wake.

"Loki, were you going to say hello to our friends?" Thor asked with a grin and Loki realized that Thor honestly thought that his friends were their friends. Sif didn't like him at all after his trick with her hair. Volstagg cared only for food and Fandral only for women. Hogun Loki might like if he knew at any time what he was thinking, but his face was always stoic and he rarely spoke. Still Loki didn't want to disabuse Thor of the notion since he seemed to believe it so strongly. Thor's friends seemed to be on the same page as him since they smiled at him warmly. He smiled back in what he hoped was an equally warm smile.

"You must stay as they regale us with tales of their exploits!" Thor shouted exuberantly. Loki nodded even though he had no intention of doing so. With the four of them telling tales it would surely take several hours and he had to meet Atli in two. Loki clutched at his stomach.

"I would you know Thor, but my stomach ails me. Which is why I was leaving." Loki said and did his best to sound ill.

"You should go to the healers." Thor said sounding concerned and for a moment he felt bad, but he shoved that thought to the back of his mind.

"If it gets worse I will." Loki said like he was promising, even though that was a lie. Even if his stomach ache was real, he still wouldn't go to see the healer. He'd have to be dead or near it to even consider it.

"Okay brother, I'll see on the marrow." Thor said. Loki nodded back at him before exiting the hall as quickly as he could without running, which would surely seem suspicious. Loki made his way as quickly as he could back to his room, where he waited anxiously for the right time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki slipped through corridors like he was a shadow. Guards never managed to see or hear him especially when he was alone. Even though he supposed they were stationed more to protect against fights from outside. Rather than to deal with princes who were walking around in the dead of night. Loki wished that he could move faster, but he couldn't, not without telling the guards exactly where he was. Loki not for the first time wished that the soldiers in training were a little closer to his bedroom.

He ran through a few more corridors before exiting the palace and came to an abrupt stop as he saw him. Atli was standing in the moonlight making his blond hair look even more...ethereal. Atli was so gorgeous he practically felt himself swooning on the spot. But Loki made sure not to actually swoon, he wasn't a girl after all. Most of the time the soldiers weren't allowed in the palace. Thor's friends had special privileges, because they were Thor's friends. He again wished that they could be open and upfront about their relationship, but knew at the same time it wasn't possible.

Loki nodded and Atli rushed up the stairs, a smile on his face. Loki wanted to kiss him right then and there. But even though there were no guards in sight the guards rotated and if they stayed in one place for too long then it was likely they would get caught. Loki grabbed Atli's hand and they were off again. Loki had snuck around the palace enough times to know the guards patterns. Asgardians were creatures of habit. Most of the guards had been there for centuries at least and still kept to the same patterns. Which meant that Loki knew based on where one guard was the exact position and speed he should go through the palace in order to avoid all the guards. In fact he and Thor had made a game of it in their youth. Who could get to a particular place first without any of the guards seeing them. Loki usually won because while his brother was stronger Loki was faster and more able use his knowledge of the guards to his advantage. Loki shoved Thor from his head knowing that now was not the time to think about his brother.

Five minutes later they were in safe in his bedroom. Loki grinned and Atli put his hand around his neck gently pulling Loki to him. Loki sighed in contentment. It had only been a week but it had felt like a lifetime. No one understood him like Atli did. Nobody loved him like Atli did.

"I missed you." Loki said into his ear and heard Atli say into his.

"I missed you too." in his slightly deeper voice that sounded like music. Loki could stay in those arms forever. Since they were Aesir it was possible to do just that. Well maybe not forever, but a couple thousand years should probably be enough. Atli's lips touched his in a simple chaste kiss. Loki really feared for a moment that Atli would stop there but he didn't. Loki was enjoying the sensation when suddenly Atli stopped and moved away. Loki looked at him carefully and saw that Atli looked, Loki shivered, he looked angry.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked fear creeping into his voice. He loved Atli with all his heart but there was another part of Atli that he didn't love. A part of him that he was scared of. The monster. It would take over Atli. Take over the love of his life and hurt Loki.

"These bruises, they weren't here when I was here last." Atli said his eyes accusing. Loki looked down at his body and he realized that during the kiss he had let the glamor he always kept on him fall.

"Thor made me spar." Loki said taking a few steps back even though he knew that it was a mistake even as he was doing it. Atli just crossed the distance between them again looking even more angry. Atli didn't like it when other people touched him. Especially Thor for some reason, even though they were brothers. It was one of the reasons Loki couldn't talk to Thor very long couldn't hang around him like he used to. If he did and Atli heard about it the monster would come out. Everything was just fine, perfect unless Loki did something wrong. Then the monster would come out and destroy everything.

He should have refused, Loki told himself. Loki should have refused to fight Thor. But if he had then he would have brought their father into it and if that happened then they might have found out. They couldn't find out. If they found out then they would have even more reason to kill Atli. Harming a prince outside of the sparing ring was punishable by death as well. As scared as he was of the monster inside Atli, he loved Atli more and didn't want anyone to hurt him. Still it seemed like there was no right answer and Loki paled as he watched Atli fist come down on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah Atli's not exactly a knight and shining armor. Please comment and tell me what you think


	9. Chapter 9

He was sore, but that was hardly a new thing. He was always sore these days. He couldn't go the healers because the particular kind of bruises he had he was sure made it clear how they happened. It was why he wanted to learn to heal himself, so he wouldn't have to deal with the pain, but wouldn't betray Atli.

His had bruises on his arms and stomach. They were given to him by the monster inside of Atli that Loki had somehow managed to make angry again. If only he could stop making him angry, then everything would be perfect. Loki smiled as he remembered Atli making it up to him later in the night by kissing the bruises softly and apologizing over and over again.

He had bruises in a few other places from Thor that he had to keep secret as well, since he couldn't go see the healers. In fact there were a few still fading bruises from before Atli had left. Loki was still trying to learn the foundations of healing though. Even though part of him wanted to just try it, but he knew how bad magic could go when he didn't know the foundation behind the principles first. Which was the only thing that kept him from trying. No, that wasn't completely true. There was also the fact that if it went badly enough the only thing that would save him was a trip to the healers. If he went to the healers then everyone would know. That wasn't an option. Loki shook his head and instead of focusing on the pain, he focused on the fact that he was going to be able to met Atli again that night. He couldn't wait. This time Loki would make sure not to make him angry and everything would go great.

~o~

They had gotten dressed again after a great night and soon Atli was going to have go back to camp. Loki wished that just once the two of them could fall asleep together without worrying about anyone finding out. But he knew it was a dream that was unlikely to ever happen, no matter how much he wanted it to.

For the moment they just laid on their sides side by side inches away from each other, staring at the others face. Atli was so handsome. His nose was perfectly shaped, his lips perfectly shaped, everything was perfectly shaped. His face was full of color unlike his. Loki was full of awe again that Atli was everything that every Aesir child desired to be, him included. Loki though had never gotten his wish, unlike many Aesir children. Atli reached across the bed and stroked his jet black hair. Loki shivered at his touch and wished they could for round 2, but he also knew Atli had to go soon. Atli lightly touched their lips together and then got off the bed. Atli smiled at him, a smile that made his knees go weak and then Loki waved his hand at him. The wave of his hand was an invisibility spell. It would last for about 15 minutes as Atli made his way back to his group and that's when the illusion that Loki had made of Atli should dissipate as well.

"I love you." Atli said to him and Loki grinned at Atli's invisible body.

"I love you too." Loki said and saw his door open and shut. Loki snuggled into his mattress further. Then after a moment moved over so he was lying where Atli had been lying. He could feel the warmth and smell of him. The smell of earth and oil and sweat. It made him deliciously happy and warm, so much so that it made it incredibly easy for him to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment


	10. Chapter 10

It's two weeks before he makes the monster come out again. Although, he's not exactly sure what it was that he had done to make him come out. It's a little worse than the other times too because the monster had done quite the number on his shin. Not Atli the monster in Atli because Atli would never do these things to him. In fact Loki's sure the bone is either broken or sprained, he's hoping for sprained but Loki can't really tell. Either way Loki decided to just hide away in his room until it felt better. Although, if it was broken he might develop a limp which wasn't likely to be good cause it wasn't something that he could easily hide.

There was a knock on his door. Loki frowned as it's wasn't Thor's usual obnoxious knock and then realized after a moment who it must be. Loki looked down at himself to make sure his glamor was still in place, because sometimes if he got too distracted the glamor faded. However the glamor looked exactly how it was supposed to.

Loki not only unlocked the door but made it open as well. His mother glided into the room. Loki wasn't really sure how she managed to glide everywhere that she went. Loki smiled as his mother sat across from him at the table in his room. At first Loki had been worried that his mother would be able to see through his glamor, but the fear proved unfounded. No one seemed to see through his glamor. Which was good, even if there seemed to be something strange about that; though he wasn't really sure why.

"Mother." he greeted her with a respectful nod of his head, but his smile was much more friendly than his formal greeting.

"Loki." she said with a smile while she looked around his room and gave him a reproachful look.

"Loki, have you been taking books from the library again?" Loki shrugged he knew he wasn't supposed to and the library wasn't terribly far from his quarters. Loki though, had always found that rule stupid, and rules he found stupid he tended to not obey. His mother just shook her head at him, she didn't look angry though. In fact she looked more amused than anything. Yes, Loki knew where he had gotten his mischievous nature from, as well as his sense of humor.

He wished that he could tell his mother about Atli. About how much Loki loved him, especially because he knew that his mother worried about him and his happiness. Loki knew that to her it appeared like Loki's only friends were books and magic. That was the way things had been before Atli. That and Thor making him come along on his adventures. He didn't miss those, or Thor he told himself. But he didn't believe his own words.

"What am I going to do with you?" she asked him fondly and used a hand to tuck his black hair behind his ear. Part of him wanted to protest but he didn't. This was his mother and he found it harder to be cross or sullen with her than with anyone else. Except for Atli of course.

"There's nothing to be done I'm a hardened criminal." Loki said with a smile and his mother matched it.

"Well my hardened criminal, I've missed having you around. You will try to get out of your room sometime will you?" she asked getting back to her feet. Part of him wanted to protest the shortness of the visit, Although he knew that as queen she had many duties to attend to, duties he would have when he was older as well. Loki nodded even though he doubted that he would be getting out anymore than he already did, since it always seemed to cause him problems with Atli. His Mother smiled at him and headed out of his room. Part of him wanted to call his mother back and spill his secrets to her, but he stopped himself and just let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter 11

Loki decided to have just have Atli come to his room, since he couldn't run with the usual speed and silence due to the fact his shin was still smarting quite a bit. Loki cast an invisibility spell over Atli. Though he had to do it from a distance which was a little anxious about it working since he had never tired spells from such a distance before. Normally to deal with such anxiety Loki would normally be pacing but his hurt shin had prevented him doing so.

He heard a knock on his door not long after he had cast the spell and flung it open with magic. Atli was standing there was a large smile on his face Loki got up from the chair and hobbled his way over to his gorgeous boyfriend. Loki wrapped his arms around Atli, partially because he missed him and partially to keep upright. It had only been three days since their last meeting, but it had felt like forever. Not as long as the week-long excursion but certainly longer than what Loki would have liked. In what seemed like no time at all Atli had his tongue down his neck seeming to be playing his tonsils. Not that Loki minded he most certainly did not mind at all.

The rest of the night had been great. More than great and now they were wrapped around each other holding each other close. It was moments like these that made everything else worth it. Atli was so warm, so full of life and so gorgeous. Loki found himself running his finger across Atli form for a few moments before tapering off. Instead Loki just rested his head over Atli's chest he listened as Atli breathed in and out and smiled.

"Tell me about your day." Atli's strong voice broke the silence of the moment but Loki didn't mind. Even if Loki's answer usually needed a little editing in order to not make the monster inside Atli come out.

"I didn't do much." Loki said honestly "I just read books and my mother came to visit." Atli didn't get mad about his mother, just Thor for some reason that he didn't understand. Atli's hand staring carding through his hair and Loki closed his eyes again. He wished he could freeze this moment in his mind forever. Then anytime anything went wrong he could return here back to this perfect moment; this moment of peace and tranquility that felt like nothing could ever go wrong.

"You?" he asked as he listened to his heart beat again.

"Training. You know there's not much that goes into that. Learn that strike, learn this strike." Loki nodded still he liked to listen to Atli's chest when he spoke, it felt strange but peaceful. Oh how he wished that he could freeze this moment and live in it forever.

Loki wished just once when he woke up that Atli could be in bed next to him but the Norns seemed to take pride in keeping that from him. Once again Atli was gone not that he didn't know why, but still Loki wished he could come up with some way to keep him in bed the whole night some time.

Loki sighed, then yawned and got out of bed, wincing as he did so. His body was sore, it was always sore. A person might think that someone would get used to it after all the times he had waken up sore, but he hadn't. He looked down at himself. None of the bruises were new since the monster hadn't come out last night, but there were several that were prominent on his frame. He looked up quickly since he wasn't fond of looking at the bruises. Most of the time he pretended like they didn't exist, even when they caused him pain. Maybe especially when they caused him pain.

Loki made his way into his spacious bathroom. Another perk of being a prince was that he had his own large bath that was large enough to swim a little in. His bathroom had black fixtures with green towels and other green accents. He wanted to take a long bath, because that sometimes helped him with the pain of the bruises. He eased himself into the tub biting back the groan that wanted to escape. He had bruises on his arms as well, even if they were a little older than the ones on the rest of his body. Loki used his magic to turn the facet on and waited as the tub filled with water. He looked up at his ceiling, the only thing that was white and sighed contented as for the moment his body felt great.

He knew around this time Atli would be doing drills. He wished he could figure out a reason to watch because he imagined that Atli doing drills would be quite attractive. Still Loki was glad that it was twenty years before he would be required to train like Thor and the others. Since he knew that due his slight stature it was probably going to be unpleasant. Loki banished the thoughts from his head and instead thought about Atli again. He wanted him to come back now and just lie in bed with him forever, but he understood that Atli had a duty and that he couldn't break it. Still he longed for the time when they could be together again, which wouldn't be for a few days.

He always felt so lonely when Atli wasn't around. Then again he knew that Atli loved him and cared for him. Atli wasn't just around him because he had to be for some familial sense of duty like Thor was. Atli wouldn't abandon him the moment his friends became more interesting. He always came when he said he would. Atli would not leave him alone like he had seemed to be always before Atli came along. Atli understood him and loved him. Loki gazed up at the ceiling again and longed for Atli's arm around him, but knew he was going to have to wait a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think about this and comment


	12. Chapter 12

It was going to be torture. The soldiers were eating with everyone today since it was a feast day for something or other... Loki hadn't been paying attention to what. Asgardians always seemed to find some reason or another to feast no matter how small or inconsequential. He was going to have to look at Atli but not sit with him since he had to sit with his family. Even if he hadn't had to sit with his family, there was the unfortunate fact that they were in a secret relationship that no one else knew about.

Still he took special care in his appearance and made sure to don his nicest battle armor. They always wore nice battle armor for special occasions. Even though Loki couldn't remember what the feast was for, he was still going to wear his nice battle armor, if only for Atli. With his battle armor on it made him look bigger than he really was. Loki also made his hair stay close to his head with a wave of his fingers. He looked at himself in the his large mirror to make sure he looked good enough and nodded with approval. He then checked the glamor. His battle armor covered much of his body but it didn't cover his face.

Loki nodded when he found everything satisfactory and made his way to the feasting hall. It didn't take him long to get there. Loki sat purposely between his mother and father even though he usually sat between Thor and his mother. Thor frowned at him when he looked up and saw what seat Loki had taken, but Loki tried to not let it bother him. He let his glance go around the room looking for Atli. He found his gold hair and chiseled chest sitting several tables away, Loki wished that he could sit there by him. Atli looked at him and held his gaze for a moment. Loki had to stop himself from smiling like he wanted to. Atli didn't smile at him, but that was probably because he was hiding his smile as well. They couldn't act like they knew each other, even though it was unpleasant.

He instead turned his attention toward the food on the table. He wasn't terrible hungry, but he could eat a little. He started in on the main course and smiling, because at least as feast times the food was exquisite. Loki wondered though how annoying the constant feasting was to the cooking staff briefly before eating some more of it.

Loki absently noted that he while he had stopped eating due to being full, Thor still eating like if he waiting to long they would take it away. Even though they would never force a prince to eat any less than he wished to especially Thor. Than again his brother was always moving and energy like that required a lot more food than studying quietly. Although magic could be a bit draining as well.

Loki looked around the room and saw that Sif, Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg were sitting together, but other than them and Atli he didn't know the names of any of the soldiers in training in the hall. Although he knew a few of the actual soldiers. Then again full-fledged soldiers were always allowed in the hall, even not on feast days.

Loki then looked back at his food wondering when the desert was going to be coming out. He wondered whether or not he was going to have any room for it. Loki wasn't sure, but due to his sweet tooth he was sure going to try to fit some of whatever it was in. Eyes scouring the tables again Loki again looked at Atli who was facing him. Again Loki had to hide the smile that wanting to come out. Atli looked stoic, but he supposed he probably looked stoic as well. Tomorrow they would be able to be together again he thought with an inward sigh. He couldn't wait.

Tomorrow he was also going to work on healing magic again, to see if he couldn't get some of the bruises or even his leg to heal. That way it wouldn't hurt, but he wouldn't have to go to the healers. Loki blinked as a plate was put in front of him and he looked down at the delectable desert. Which he was sure tasted as good as it looked. As Loki slowly ate it he found he was correct. If only Atli was able to sit with him and come home with him, then it would be a perfect night. But he'd have to settle for the night as it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the more violent chapters.

Loki again let Atli in using an invisibility spell, since he his shin was still in no shape to run. Concern about the shape of his leg was turning into near panic. He was almost sure it was broken now and not just sprained and that it was healing wrong. He had spent most of the day trying and failing to heal his own bruises. The power he had expended left him a little magically weak but Loki tried to convince himself that it okay. That it just meant he had to studying healing magic more and maybe the next time he would get it right.

His door opened moment later. Atli grabbed him and pinned him again the wall as they took a tour of each other's mouths. However it only lasted a few moments before Atli shoved him hard against the wall. Hard enough to make Loki moan in pain from his previous injuries being pressed and maybe some new one being created. Atli stepped a few feet back from him.

"You were looking at him weren't you?" he accused his eyes full of jealousy and anger. Loki frowned, sometimes he wasn't sure how exactly Atli got the ideas he had into his head. Or why he always thought that Loki was cheating on him. Or why he thought Loki always wanted to cheat on him. Atli even suspected Loki liked Thor, even though they were brothers. He often misinterpreted things if Loki's eyes looked at anyone longer than Atli liked. When that happened the monster would come out.

Loki wished they could go back to the way things used to be before he had known about the monster. Back when Atli had just been perfect. When Loki hadn't had to hide his wounds from prying eyes. When Atli hadn't seemed to only see treachery in his every move. When Loki hadn't been scared of the monster since he hadn't known of its existence. Before Loki started hating himself for allowing it, but not allowing himself to think about it. In fact when it wasn't happening and he didn't have to cover it, he preferred to pretend that it wasn't happening.

He was a coward. He loved Atli and didn't want to hurt him. He shouldn't be letting this happen. 

Atli was the only one who cared who was always there for him. 

Atli hurt him. 

No it was the monster inside of Atli that hurt him. Atli loved him and was the only one who had never abandoned him. The only one who always wanted him. If he let Atli go he would go back to being alone. Surely a few bruises and a broken leg were worth knowing he was loved?

"Who?" Loki asked in response to his earlier question without thinking it through. The monster punched him hard in the head, causing his head to smack into his bedroom wall, making the hit hurt that much worse. Loki swooned a little, the knock to his forehead was making him a little nauseous and he had the urge to vomit. His head was pounding and he could hear his pulse in his ears, but he managed to stay standing and to not vomit.

He chanced a look up, hoping to see Atli in his eyes looking sorry. But the monster inside of Atli still had control.

"So you look at so many boys, you don't even know which one it was you were flirting with!" Atli shouted. Alti grabbed him by his neck and pushed him into the same wall he had hit Loki's head against. Atili put pressure on his windpipe.

"How many people do you flirt with everyday?" Atli didn't come out and say but his tone suggested it that Atli thought him a tramp. Thought him to be unfaithful. Loki couldn't exactly defend himself at the moments since Atli's was making it difficult to breathe.

"Why must you always hurt me?" Atli said his voice trembling, not seeming to be aware that he was choking Loki and so Loki couldn't answer. Loki's lungs were starting to ache due to the lack of air His throat hurt due to the pressure and Loki got scared that Atli wouldn't let go. Loki didn't even think about using his magic to get out of it like he would have with anyone else he simply waited and hoped that Atli would let go. Loki's lungs were starting to really strain themselves when Atli suddenly let him go.

Atli was no longer holding him to the wall. So Loki fell down to the ground, his back still against the wall. Atli turned around a small circle and then punched the area right next to Loki's face, so close he felt the breeze. Surely that meant the monster was gone now and they could just go back to the good stuff? But then Atli turned around in a circle again and he could see the monster still in his eyes. Suddenly he found himself grasping his stomach tightly as pain attacked his stomach. He knew that Atli must have kicked him hard there. When was this going stop? When was Atli going to come back?

"Atli?" he pleaded his voice hoarse from his throat being pressed so hard. Atli turned around in a tight circle again and said with tears in his eyes.

"Why don't you love me like I love you?" he asked not seeming to realize that Loki did love him. Why did he never seem to believe him? Loki shook his head for moment before he realized that the motion made him want to vomit. Due to both the knock on his head and to his stomach.

"I love you Atli." Loki croaked out earnestly. It was the only reason he let him hurt him without fighting or telling anyone was. He loved him, he wanted to be with him, and didn't want for him to be hurt.

"Then why do you keep looking at other guys?!" Atli shouted angrily and punched him in the shoulder forcefully. Loki winced at the pain in his arm as it joined the pain in the rest of his body.

"There nobody else Atli. Only you." Loki insisted even as he tried to make himself a smaller target. He wasn't sure why Atli was determined to think he would leave him. Or that Loki didn't want him and just him. But maybe if Loki reassured him, than he would stop and everything would go back to normal.

"You're lying!" Atli hissed through his teeth. Atli kicked him again. The force of the kick made Loki fall to the floor and he curled into himself, trying to protect his stomach. The monster kicked his stomach again and Loki felt his already sore throat scream in pain as he felt himself cough. Only it was a strange cough, kind of wet. Loki looked at the floor in front of him which was covered in liquid, red liquid, blood. He was bleeding internally. That wasn't good. He looked up at Atli who spun around again and then kicked him again. Atli wasn't coming back to himself like he normally did. Loki was too weak from the injuries to move himself, or to stop Atli from attacking him. Normally at this point his magic would have kicked in whether or not he thought of it consciously, either to heal him or to defend himself. But he had no magic at the moment having used the last of it on the invisibility spell to let Atli into the castle unnoticed.

"Stop." Loki said in barely whisper he had no energy to say it much louder and his throat barely let what that escape. "Stop." he said again weakly wondering if this would be the time. The time that his body would give up on him. The time his body would say if he was too pathetic to fight for himself, than it wouldn't fight for him either. "Stop." he hissed in barely a whisper. Though the monster kicked him in the stomach again. Loki suddenly felt that he was going to die right there on the floor. His own floor in his own room. Being kicked to death by someone he loved. This was not how it was supposed to have happened. But there was nothing he could do to stop it. Loki closed his eyes and waited for the end to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you like my cliff hanger?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> compared to my other chapters this one is kind of long.

Thor was about to fall asleep under a nice soft red comforter in the Stark tower after a hard day of fighting criminals. There was so many who tried so hard. Sometimes he didn't understand Earth and why they fought each other all the time. Then again Earth's experience with other planets was limited. It had taken outside forces for Asgard to bind together as a planet as well. He thinks. He's not actually really sure since history that wasn't full of battles had never been that interesting to him.

"Thor I need to speak with you." Thor jolted awake and was out of bed within moments. He called Mjolnir to him which had only been a few feet away. He scanned the room looking for an intruder, until he realized that he recognized the voice. Thor sighed and instead searching the walls until he found what he was looking for. His father's image was projected onto the wall. His father looked stoic as always and Thor found himself falling into the chair that Mjolnir had been sitting moments earlier.

"I'm not coming back." Thor said wearily with a shake of his head. When his brother was pretending to be their father he let him go. But his actually father was not so lenient. Thor still couldn't believe that Loki had faked his death to be king of Asgard and that Thor hadn't noticed at all. Then again most of the time he had been on Midgard...earth he should probably start calling it earth since the residents did so. He also couldn't believe that Loki managed to escape the palace without being captured. Then again his brother knew the palace more than he was sure anyone else did since he was always sneaking around it as a child. Loki probably knew or had put some hidden passageways in. Besides the fact that his what his brother lacked in strength, he made up for in speed.

"It's not about that it's about...Loki." Thor frowned. Two mentions of him in one day?

"Has he done something?" Thor asked worried. His brother was smart and cunning and usually used those traits of his to hurt people. Odin's face was a mask and Thor frowned.

"What is it father?"

"I need to you talk to you in person, where no one can interrupt or overhear." Thor nodded and got up from his bed.

"As long as you promise that you will not keep me from returning to earth." Thor said and after a moment his father nodded. Thor nodded as well showing his agreement to his father's terms.

"I will send the Bitfrost to the top of the tower you are in." Thor nodded. The people of New York were used to seeing strange things since they lived in the same city as the Avengers. That and all their foes like to try to destroy them there. Thor got dressed and took the elevator to the top, wondering what his father wished to discuss with him that would make him call him on Midgard in the middle of the night? He waited until the doors opened onto the roof and said.

"Heimdall open the Bitfrost." he was surrounded by the rainbow bridge which allowed him to travel very quickly home. He looked around the observatory and smiled at Heimdall who respectfully nodded back at him. Thor found a man waiting with a horse there for him and Thor rode quickly to the palace, where he and his father would talk. Thor dismounted when they got the stables and feed the horse some sugar cubes. Thor then made his way into the palace and as quickly as he could to his father's study.

He stood before the door of his father's study not much later and knocked. It had been a long time since he had been to his father's study. Thor wondered what it was that was so important that his father would make him come to Asgard from Midgard. The door opened and Thor heard his father's voice say

"Come in." Thor did as he was told and saw his father use Gungnir to close the door behind him. His father gestured to a seat across from him a chair covered in red fabric which Thor sat down in and looked at his father. His father wasn't looking at him though, but seemed to be lost in memory.

"Father?" Thor asked after his father didn't speak for a while. At Thor's voice he slowly looked at him and he seemed sad and...guilty? Was he reading his father's face right? He wasn't the best and reading expressions and he often time misinterpreted looks, but he thought his father looked like he was feeling guilt.

"Thor, there is something I must tell you." he said slowly and carefully like he was choosing his words carefully. Thor didn't like this. This reminded him too much of the time his father had told him that Loki was a frost giant and had gone insane after finding out about his heritage. His father had said it was about Loki after all. But what could be so bad to cause his father to look as he did?

"There is something he said before he left something that I may have... misattributed until now." he said in the same careful and slow voice.

"What?" Thor asked although he wasn't entirely sure that he wished to know.

"He said he may be the god of all lies, but I was the father of all lies. For awhile I thought he was talking about his heritage." Thor frowned.

"He has to have been. You haven't lied about anything else have you?" Thor asked confused. His father was a virtuous man and had only tried to protect Loki with the lie. But Loki had become mad when he learned the truth.

"I...I tried to do the right thing for Loki." he said slowly and Thor had a feeling that that meant that his Father had lied to Loki again in a different matter. Then again if his father lied it had probably have been for a good reason. For some reason even though Loki lied to others frequently, he became the most offended when he himself was lied to. He didn't understand it.

"I tried to do the right thing for the both of you." his father said wearily. He looked his age at the moment when normally he looked like he was centuries younger and spryer than he actually was.

"Father, I don't understand." Thor said and he didn't. His father made it seem like Thor should know what he was talking about though, but he didn't. Was he supposed to?

"I know my son and it's my fault that you don't." Thor furrowed his brows even more confused.

"Loki said one more thing 'I remember'." Thor was still confused. If the words were supposed to mean something to him they didn't. "It should have taken a shorter time for me to realize what that meant, but I just thought Loki meant that he remembered all the slights against him. My mind is not what it used to be and I...I didn't want to believe. I had hidden the memories myself. Though not as thoroughly as they are hidden in you. I did not want to remember and for that...I may have unintentionally hurt Loki."

"Father I must insist you tell me what you are talking about because I don't understand." Thor said earnestly.

"There is only one way you will understand Thor and that is why I had to have you here."

"Father what-" His father suddenly pointed Gungnir at Thor's head. For a moment Thor was sure that Loki managed to steal his father throne again and was going to use Gungnir to kill him. Thor though couldn't move out of the way when a light green light streamed from Gungnir and hit him in the head. Thor's knees suddenly gave way and he collapsed onto the floor. What had his father or Loki done to him? He stared at the bright ceiling of his father's study and wondered what the purpose of the blast seemed to be? It didn't appear to be made to kill him since he was still alive. In fact he wasn't sure why he had collapsed to the floor either, since he was not feeling weary. But there was something wrong with his head. It didn't hurt exactly but he could tell there was something wrong with it.

"What did you do to me?" Thor asked his father confused or maybe it wasn't his father, but Loki he reminded himself again.

"What did you do?!" Thor yelled.

"It should become apparent in a moment." Odin said stoically. Thor opened his mouth to ask what that meant, when his body went completely slack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry we had to take a little detour but you'll definitely see what's going on with Loki next chapter :) How much do you hate me now?
> 
>  
> 
> Please comment and tell if you liked it.


	15. Chapter 15

Thor was sitting at the feasting tables surrounded by his friends, unlike last night. Sometimes he hated formal feasts. Although he supposed lately the feasts had been worse since Loki had decided not to sit with him. Loki always now choose to sit for some reason between their mother and father rather than with him. It had hurt that Loki had chosen against sitting with him as his brother presence was often the only thing that got him through the stiff formal dinners. Sometimes he thought guilty it was the only time they talked to each other anymore. Loki seemed angry at him too for what reason Thor wasn't sure of. Thor looked up and down the tables but didn't see his brother. He hadn't ever saw him in the feasting rooms anymore when it was not a formal event. This worried Thor since sometimes his brother got so wrapped up his studies that he forgot to eat if no one reminded him to or made him.

"Have you seen Loki any other time than the feast last night?" Thor asked his friend all his companions shook his heads and not one of them appeared to be worried. Perhaps he was worrying over nothing, his brother may be slight and at times disregarded his health but if his brother got hungry he knew that he could sneak into the kitchens later. Thor knew the way into the kitchen was well. Thor smiled softly as he remembered as children trying to find a way to sneak into the kitchen and being caught several times before they fond a secret way in that only him and Loki knew about. He had never shared that with his friends partially because he was afraid Volstagg with his attempt would eat all the food away and partially because he wanted to keep a secret just between him and Loki.

Thor frowned deepened as he thought even more about the way that Loki had been acting very odd lately, spiteful and mean like he wanted nothing to do with him. Thor supposed at first he hadn't noticed since he had been wrapped up in other things to notice as Loki hung out with their group less and less and then not at all. But he hadn't noticed until now he sparsely he had seen Loki ever since the shift in attitude had taken over him. Not until the week when the others had gone he thought with guilt. He realized that he had hardly ever was with his brother anymore and instead was always with the warriors. Then again he and the warriors had similar interests like battle and glory and all Loki liked with books and magics both things that Thor considered incredibly boring. Still, Thor had never realized that such a chasm existed between the two of them until that moment. Even though there was a chasm between them that there didn't used to be Thor still couldn't help but feeling that there was something wrong with his brother even if he didn't have any clue what that thing was. He turned his attention to his friends maybe they had paying more attention to his brother than he had.

"Do you find something odd with Loki?" Sif looked away pointedly and Thor frowned just starting to realize that Sif may not like his brother as much as he had always thought she did. However at least she did not speak against him which was something at least. The other just shrugged like they hadn't been paying attention. Thor frowned as he became unsure if his friends were Loki's friend or if he had always just thought that they were. Thor shook his head and stood up.

"Thor where are you going?" Sif asked surprised.

"There is something...wrong with Loki and I intend to find out what that is." Thor said without turning around and headed out of the feasting room and into the hall.

~.~

Thor made his way to Loki's quarters which were pretty close to his own. He headed down familiar halls and corridors until he was standing outside Loki's room. Thor listened for any sounds but heard none. Then again he never could, he was pretty sure that Loki had a spell that kept any sounds from leaving his room. Just as he was also pretty sure he had a spell on himself that prevented Heimdall from seeing him, even though his brother had never confirmed or denied either accusation.

He heard something crack from inside and frowned. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was no silencing spell, but the a horrible feeling starting bubbling in his gut that told him that he wasn't. Thor didn't care if Loki was angry at him, he just knew that he needed to get on the other side of the door as soon as possible. Thor reared his leg back and kicked the door. It stood firm, as it was meant to last against invaders. But Thor had brought his brother's door down before and he would again. Especially since after the loud thump he hadn't heard Loki cursing him like he would if he was okay. Thor quickly brought his leg up again and kicked the door a few more times aiming at the doorknob, until he kicked the doorknob out of the door. He pushed the door open and saw a sight that made him tremble in fear, disgust and anger. A soldier in training he didn't know the name of was hurting his brother! The soldier kept kicking his brother's ribs again and again. The solider was focused on hurting his brother that he didn't seem to notice that Thor had kicked down the door.

Thor didn't think, he just acted as he threw himself at the soldier in training and wrapped his mighty hands around the soldiers neck and squeezed tightly. The soldier had dared to harm his brother and Thor would make him pay dearly for that. He faintly hear a hoarse broken voice whisper.

"Thor no!" but he didn't process the words, his mind was only able to think about one thing. Making sure that the man in front of him never touched his brother again. However, the solider ducked low enough that Thor's arms broke their grasp. The soldier somersaulted away from him and Thor followed him.

"Loki did you tell him?" the solider accused his voice edged with fear, anger, and betrayal. For the first time since setting his sights on the man he looked at Loki again. Loki who was lying on the ground holding his stomach. He looked awful. His body was peppered in bruises and to his horror not all of them were fresh. Some of them was yellowing and seemed to be at least a few weeks old. Thor anger ratcheted up again. this soldier had been hurting his brother for far longer than he had originally thought.

"I didn't, I swear." his brother stammered in fear and Thor felt the anger only grow even larger. Thor had to keep his stomach form expelling the food he had just eaten as he realized how much this man had hurt his brother. As well as the fact that Loki was afraid of him but at the same time grabbed onto his hand like he...loved him.

The revulsion was not because of that fact that Loki loved a man even though he knew many Asgadians would have a problem with it. Maybe he might as well if he hadn't seen the scene in front of him. His revulsion was due to the fact that it was obvious that his brother loved the man who was hurting him and yet the man hurt him anyways. Thor had never been this angry in his life. All of his anger was directed at the person who obviously was loved by Loki so much, and yet disregarded him so. He didn't see how precious his brother was and didn't love him the way he deserved to be and instead hurt him. His brother! His brother who Thor had sworn to protect since they were children and the other children had picked on Loki because he was slight. His brother who was so smart and devious and who he loved more than he could ever find words for.

Thor saw red. He threw the soldier away from his brother and absently heard his brother protests but didn't listen. The man would have killed his brother if he hadn't interrupted and that was not acceptable! That was not allowed! No one was allowed to hurt his brother like that! Thor was at the soldiers side in seconds where he picked up and threw the soldier against the wall.

Someone was saying something but his mind couldn't focus on the words. All he could think about was making the monster who touched his brother that way pay. He grabbed him again when the solider fell to the floor, and threw him into the wall again with all his strength. Thor checked his side and found a dagger which he then unsheathed. Thor grabbed the solider who wasn't moving and used one hand to hold him against the wall while he used the other to slit his throat. A loud anguished cry echoed in the room. Thor frowned for a moment thinking it was the soldier but it wasn't. It couldn't be since he had slashed the soldiers throat and the soldiers vocal chords.

Thor turned around and stiffened as he realized the sound of anguish was coming from his brother who was staring at the man on the ground with grief and love. Loki's eyes slowly made their way to his and the only thing he could see in his brothers eyes was hate. Though it only lasted a few moments before Loki eyes rolled into the back of his head and his head fell to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Still not slash. Just a brother who seeing that someones been hurting his younger brother. I gotta tell you I'd most likely do the same if I walked in someone hurting one my siblings especially as bad as Atli was hurting Loki. What do you think? Apt punishment? Atli get off too light? Too heavy?


	16. Chapter 16

Thor took in a deep breath and looked around him. The soldiers whose name he still didn't know was dead on the ground and Loki was unconscious. Thor found his eyes pulled to the blood on the floor, Loki's blood, his brother's blood.

Thor blinked and then cursed himself, he had to get Loki to the healers now. Thor bent down and carefully gathered his brother into his arms. Thor opened the door as open as he could with his foot. It had never quite closed the whole way after Thor had entered, which Thor was grateful for at the moment. He made his way carefully through the door trying to avoid jostling Loki any more than necessary or hitting him against something.

Thor thought about how light Loki was. Loki had always been light, but Thor was sure Loki was lighter than the last time Thor had carried him. Then again he wasn't sure when exactly the last time Thor had carried Loki was. He hurried down the hall as quickly as he could without tripping. It was more difficult that usual since his center of balance was off because he was holding Loki in his arms. He came around a corner and saw a guard looking at them, his hand reaching for his weapon.

"The threat has been neutralized." Thor said with growl and the solider instead looked at the bundled in his arms.

"Prince Loki?" he asked and Thor nodded.

"I must get him to the healers." he said and moved on past him but the soldier kept stride with him.

"I can take him my prince." the solider offered. Thor shook his head no one was going to carry him to the healers but Thor. He couldn't handle handing Loki off to someone else not when he was so worried about him. Thor lengthened his gait a little starting to worry more when Loki's breathing started to make a crackling noise. Thor knew that his brother had something wrong with his lungs, he had heard enough about it to know that. Which meant that if Thor didn't get Loki to the healers soon he could die.

He ran as quickly as could until he came to the Healers halls. and Thor rushed through the double doors that swung forward. Thor had always found the double doors a little odd whenever he came to the Healers halls. At the moment though he was just relieved that the healers had come over to him. The Healers quickly took his still brother from his arms and immediately put him into the nearest bed. The healers surrounded Loki and started pressing healing stones to Loki's chest. His view was interrupted by another healer who was looking at him sternly for what reason Thor couldn't fathom.

"We need space to work." the healer said curtly. Thor was about to shout about he was the prince when the healer continued. "If you want your brother to recover we need as much space and concentration as possible and so you need you leave for a little while." Thor wanted to argue or to punch the healer. In the end though it would only cause his brother harm. Even though he didn't want to leave his brother, especially if the healers couldn't save him he didn't also want to be in the way. So Thor regretfully made his way out of the healing quarters. Just in time to see his father running to him. Thor frowned and met his father.

"Heimdall saw what happened and told me. How is Loki?" Thor shook his head.

"They forced me to leave so they could work on him." Thor said sadly and sunk to his knees onto the hard cold floor outside. Not that he felt it. Thor was too busy letting the guilt settle in him.

How could he not have seen it? Loki was supposed to be his brother. Thor was supposed to know if someone was hurting him. Supposed to know if he was even with someone. But he hadn't known. He hadn't seen anything. Thor had just been with his friends as Loki had been hurt. How long had it been going on? Weeks? Months? Years?

How long had that solider been putting his dirty hands on his young innocent brother?! How long had Loki been walking around with bruises as Thor tapped his shoulder the way that he did? How much unnecessary pain had he put his brother through? Why hadn't he seen any of it? Why hadn't he stopped it before hand?

Would Loki be okay? Was Thor realization of his being a terrible big brother too late? Would Loki slip away from him? Thor found tears slipping their way down his cheeks but didn't feel embarrassed like he might have assumed he would. He cared nothing for looks at the moment, or for appearances. He only cared about one thing at the moment at that was Loki. His brother. His younger brother who had looked pale, so broken. Thor's chest trembled with emotion as he thought of what he would do if Loki didn't survive.

No. Thor shook his head. No he couldn't. Thor couldn't lose his little brother. Not like this and not when Loki was so young and had yet to experience so much. His brother had to survive and Thor would make it up to him. He would be the best big brother ever and he and Loki would become close again.

Thor's resolve weaken though when Thor looked at his armor and found it wet with blood. Loki's blood. He had Loki's blood on him. Loki's blood on the floor of his room came to his mind and he found himself sobbing in regret and grief. Really how had he not seen it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think because I really appreciate your feedback and without it it will take me longer to update.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been a week since Thor had walked into Loki room and had taken action. Loki had spent 2 days being healed since the damage had been quite extensive and apparently had been happening for longer that Thor had hoped for. Over a year, maybe even longer. They had released Loki and ever since then he had been holed up in his temporary room. Father had decided to give Loki a temporary room due to the fact they didn't think that Loki healing in his own room where it had happened was the best thing for his mind. Loki's temporary room was next to his old room but Thor didn't know what the inside looked like since Loki wouldn't allow anyone into his room. Not even their mother and any news usually came to Thor second-hand from the guards.

"How is Loki?" Thor asked solemnly as he sat down in the hallway next to his father on a bench. The bench had been put there for them to do as they were doing, which was staring at his brother door hoping to be let it. Hoping for better news than the last time he had asked or really any time since Loki had woken up.

"He's still refusing to eat." His father admitted wearily looking down at the floor. His father looked centuries older than he normally did and Thor he knew that his father was as sorrowful about his brothers predicament as he was.

Thor nodded even though it made him more sorrowful. He thought that might be the case. Loki hadn't eaten anything since the incident. Loki had refused to eat no matter how many times he had been asked to by the healing staff. The healing staff and Thor and his Father, and Heimdall, and the guards in front of Loki's room (one of them being the guard that Thor had talked to on the way to the healing room) were the only ones who knew what had happened with his brother. The rest of the castle thought it had to do with a sparring match between him and Loki that had gone wrong. In fact the hallway was off-limits to anyone who didn't already know.

"I've tried to talk to him but he won't talk to me. He's angry for what I did.' Thor said helplessly. Thor had done what he had thought was the best thing for his brother, but he knew that Loki didn't see it that way. Thor had tried to talk to Loki back in the healing room before he had been released. It hadn't worked and it had been his only chance, since Loki had put a locking spell on his temporary door the moment he had stepped foot into it. Not that others couldn't overpower it. The healers said that they wouldn't so long as Loki allowed healers into the room, they wouldn't make him allow anyone else for the time being. He wished that they would make Loki talk to him but they wouldn't.

"Yes outside of the healers he won't talk to anyone. But I think Loki will not want everyone to know about what happened." Thor nodded. His father had tried but Loki had used all his magic to force their father out and had knocked himself out in the process. After that their Father had decided to abide by the healers rules and stay out. Still, Thor hated feeling so helpless, and with Loki not seeing him there was nothing he could do to make it right again.

"I wish he would just speak to me so I can explain." Thor said. Surely if he could just explain to Loki why he had done what he had done, then Loki would forgive him and they could become close again? Surely Thor could help him heal from this and they could be happy again? Surely if Loki just talked to him than everything would be okay? Everything had to be okay if Loki just talked to him.

"You were trying to protect him." his father said and he sounded like he understood. Thor nodded tears filling his eyes again. It was all he could think about as he watched that brute hurt him. But in protecting him he might have lost him. Loki had loved the brute for some reason and he was angry at Thor for killing him as far as he could tell.

"I just wish that Loki saw it that way." Thor said sadly and his father nodded he saw down next to him and they both looked at his brother's door. All Thor wanted was to be allowed on the other side of the door to help Loki like he always did when Loki was ill. To do anything to help him. Read him stories, tell him tales. He would even read to him history or magic books if Loki wanted him to if Loki would just let him in. But Loki did not want him there and it hurt terribly.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki was moved back to the healers wing after another week of not eating or drinking. The lack of food or water wouldn't kill him, but the healers were worried it would only further destabilize him. He was torn by being even more worried for his brother's health and by finally being able to see Loki. Loki he didn't have the same expectations of privacy in in the healer's wing as he did in his own bedroom. Loki looked like he was asleep but Thor knew better than most how well Loki could fake being asleep only to pop back up a second later spry and ready to go.

Thor didn't take Loki hand even though it was the thing he wanted most, but if he did and Loki was really asleep Loki might wake up and make him go away. The bruises from before were all gone from his pale skin like they had never been there to begin with. Loki was wearing a loose green shirt with loose black pants. Thor wanted to touch him again to make sure his brother was real. To make sure that this wasn't all a dream but again he kept his hand away from Loki in fear of waking him.

Loki had been skinny at it was the last time he had seen him and now appeared to be even skinnier. If he continued on this way much longer he would just be skin and bones. Thor didn't understand his brother. How he could love someone who hurt him so much? How could he be this depressed when he died? Thor looked up as he saw someone else come into the room and saw it his mother. He averted his eyes. They hadn't told her what hadn't really happened to Loki to protect him she just knew the lie that Thor had attacked him. As such Frigga was obviously disappointed in him, but at the same time she knew that something was off about the story because of Loki's behavior. Loki was angry at Thor, but the not eating thing did not fit into the story that they had weaved. Thor couldn't help but feel if Loki had been part of the lie it would have been better. Frigga didn't share Thor's hesitation and grasped Loki's hand. Loki's hand did not respond and Thor thought that maybe Loki really was asleep.

His mother eyes slowly turned from Loki's prone form to Thor's eyes.

"Thor what's going on with my son?!' she asked her eyes flashing she spoke sharply but also quietly; he wasn't sure how his mother managed such a feat. He was not good at lying. In fact when they were children and lying had to be done he had always had Loki do it since he was so much better at him at it. Loki would not help him now even if he was awake.

"I don't know." He said stumbling over his words a little as few as they were. His father said that Loki would not want her or anyone else to know. That must be the truth or Loki would have told her before now. He couldn't tell her even though he wanted desperately to. His Father was rarely around anymore having kingly duties to do. Thor wished to tell someone so he wouldn't have to carry the burden of the secret alone.

"Thor." his mother said her eyes flashing more and Thor really wished that he could tell her but he couldn't.

"I have to go." Thor said. He didn't want to leave Loki, but he also couldn't tell his mother what happened and he would if he stayed any longer. He rushed out of the healing wing and didn't stop until he was halfway across the palace. Thor nearly ran into Sif and Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg who were exiting the feasting hall. Another group of people who would ask him question he couldn't answer, so he ran around them and made his way to his room stopping at the door to Loki's. He found himself stopping every time he came to his room at the door. The door to Loki's room had been fixed and the room had been cleaned. Thor's stomach lurched as he thought of the floor and the puddle of Loki's blood that used to be on it. In his mind Thor saw the brute kicking his brother's stomach again and again. Thor's hand curled into a fist as he wished he could kill him all over again. Then again killing the brute had been what had made Loki angry at him in the first place. He hated the brute so much. He had hurt his brother and had somehow convinced his brother not only to not fight back but also to hate Thor even after his death. The Brute's death was also destroying his brother and Thor had no idea how to stop the brute from winning. Thor wished there was something that he could do to help his brother but had no idea what.

Thor found himself crumpling to the floor in front of his brother's room just feet away from where the event had happened. The event that constantly haunted his nightmares where he watched the brute kick Loki's stomach again and again and again. Sometimes Loki would scream at Thor to help him. Sometimes he would curse him for not getting there sooner, for not knowing that it was happening. Other times he would just glare at him the way Loki had before he had fallen unconscious. Those were the worst of all because he feared that was the glare that Loki would give him for the rest of their lives. Thor wrapped his arms around himself trying to make himself feel better, but it did not work. He hadn't really expected it too anyways. There was only one thing that was going to make him feel better and he doubted he was going to be getting it any time soon.


	19. Chapter 19

Thor was again in the healing wing and Loki was again asleep. Thor was told that without nourishment Loki wasn't awake a lot because his body was trying to conserve energy. Which made him feel a little less Loki was purposely trying to avoid talking to him. Loki still refused to eat according to the healers. He somehow seemed to get even skinnier in the last 2 days. Even though Thor wasn't sure if he just thought so because he was worried about Loki or if it was actually happening. Thor did not think that Loki could stand to lose much more weight. Thor was sure it was an uncommon problem in Asgard. It was much more normal to eat more than was recommended rather than eating too little. Then again he didn't know much about healing other than when he came there to be healed after a fight or something.

He heard someone sit down besides him and he turned slowly in case it was his mother again ,but it was not it was his father. He wasn't looking at Thor but at Loki and he had a sad look in his eye. Thor wished there was something that he could do to make Loki better rather than watching Loki slowly destroy himself. But Thor wasn't smart like Loki and he was certainly not as good with words like his brother was.

"I wish there was something I could do for him." Thor said somehow his voice came out without emotion even though it seemed like all he was these days. His father didn't respond to Thor's comment and just kept on looking at Loki. Thor found himself feeling guilty again. It was his fault that Loki was like this. How could have not known his own brother was being hurt? How could have killed the brute in front of Loki even knowing how Loki felt about him? He didn't feel bad for actually killing the brute but he shouldn't have made Loki watch.

"Are there any time travel spells?" Thor asked his father. Maybe then he could go back and tell his past self to take the fight outside the room so Loki wouldn't have to watch. Or maybe he could go further and gut the brute before Loki had even met him; that way it would spare him the pain of it all.

"No Asgard has no such spell and trying to make such spells are forbidden, because if there were such spells that anyone could change anything, and there would be too much fluidity to the universe." Thor hadn't thought so but he had still hoped none the less. There was no hope. Loki was going to hate him for the rest of his life and from the looks of thing his life might not even be that long.

"I cannot watch him hurt himself." Thor said tearfully and his father nodded.

"Neither can I." Odin said calmly.

"Do you know of any way to fix this?" Thor said hopefully. He wanted Loki to smile again. He wanted to see his brother be happy. Odin turned slowly to look at him and then waved gungnir. Thor looked around but nothing looked different. Had his father done magic or not?

"Have you told anyone what has transpired?"

"No, you told me not to." Thor said confused and his father nodded.

"Loki, I'm sure has told no one."

"Father I don't understand." Thor said not knowing how any of this could help Loki get better to be happier.

"You want your brother to feel better?" Odin asked and Thor nodded.

"Of course I do." he said and he cared about nothing more. Odin looked a little reluctant and that made Thor pause since his father was usually full of confidence all the time.

"I'm worried about losing him." Odin said after a long moment of silence and Thor nodded he was as well. He knew that the healing halls could keep him alive no matter what happened. But there was also little likelihood of him being able to stay in the healing halls much longer without everyone speculating what was really wrong with his brother and that would just drew Loki lots of unwanted attention. That was if he really did want to keep the incident a secret. Thor assumed he did though since Loki hadn't told their mother.

If everyone knew Thor felt that it would only get worse. Others might either fault Loki for allowing it, or fault him to his choice in companion, or possibly worse. He couldn't see any alternative though. It seemed like Loki was destined to be in pain and perhaps even mocked and ridiculed for it.

"I" his father seemed hesitant and again Thor was surprised at such behavior from his father. "There might be a way to help him." he said slowly and carefully Thor leaned in close to his Dad even though his voice had not gone down any volume at all. "Normally it's not something that I would do but I think in this case it might be the only way to help Loki." Thor waited for his father to continue to tell him what exactly it was that he meant, but he didn't.

"Father?" Thor asked he needed to know what his father was talking about.

"We must stop him from hurting himself." Thor insisted fiercely even though he still didn't know what his father had in mind.

"Aye we must." his father said but Thor still had no idea how his father intended to do such a feat.

"I intend to take his memory of the one who hurt away." Thor frowned.

"But you said."

"Not time travel Thor." his father said.

"Then what?" Thor asked

"I intend to wipe his memory of the time he was with the one who hurt him away." Thor absently noted that were both of the same page of not referring to the brute by his actual name. They both chose to call him based on his actions towards Loki.

"The entire time?" Thor said and knew it could be months or years. He wasn't even sure how long Loki and the brute had been together.

"This way he will not hurt, because he will not remember." Thor nodded as he thought about it. Loki would no longer hurt. Loki would no longer be angry at him. It will be like it had never happened. It was a marvelous solution and the best solution for everyone. Yet there was some lingering doubt in the back of his mind. Loki had loved the brute. Even if Thor hated him did they have the right to take away Loki's memory of him? Thor nodded, the brute had hurt Loki over and over again. The brute gave up his right to be remembered fondly when he had done that. Thor nodded his approval of the plan.


	20. Chapter 20

"It's for the best." Thor's doubts had crept up again in the few moments though he still hoped that his father was right. That Loki would be able to get through it by not remembering the brute at all, and not remembering watch Thor kill him.

"I'm going to have to put the same spell on you." his father told him and Thor swallowed. He did not mind. He did not want to see the images in his head or in his dreams of Loki being repeatedly kicked in the stomach. Besides it would only be a few weeks for him. It would undoubtedly be longer for his brother, since no one but Loki knew how long he and the brute had been together.

"I'm going to have to tell you the same lie we told everyone else." Thor nodded so he would think that he was the one who put Loki here, he'd rather that than knowing that his brother hated him for killing his boyfriend. Loki would be angry with him, but would eventually forgive him if it followed the patterns of the other times it had happened. Thor would just have to beg a little and do some stuff he didn't want to, which hopefully he would.

He knew sometimes he could be a little brutish towards his brother. For a moment his conviction wavered on whether or not he wanted the memories of the past two weeks to go away. Because if it did he would be back to the boy who hadn't even noticed that Loki was seeing someone ,much less that someone who hurting him. He just hoped he didn't become completely brutish again. Thor nodded and Odin lifted Gungnir into the air. A rush of blue light streamed towards his brothers unconscious form as Thor watched hoping that they were doing the right thing. Loki jerked up, his eyes wide as he saw the blue light swirl around him

"What are you doing?!" he asked sounding terrified Thor frowned at the sound.

"Loki everything will be better." Thor promised because it had to be. Surely everything would be better if Loki couldn't remember the brute who hurt him so? His doubts were back again this time in full force. This felt wrong. Something about this felt so very wrong. Loki looked even more scared and Thor suddenly knew that Loki knew what they were doing. Thor wasn't sure how Loki knew, it had probably something to do with magic which he knew little about. He made a mental note to look into magic more and then dismissed the thought, because he knew that he wouldn't remember it.

"No!" Loki screamed and yet none of the healers seemed to hear him since no came running. Loki struggled against the blue light like he was trying to escape.

"Thor hold your brother in place." his father commanded and for the first time Thor hesitated. He had done that with the dwarfs and he wasn't sure he wanted to do it again.

"Now Thor." his father shouted and it Thor found himself obeying as it seemed hard-wired into him to do whatever his father said when he used that tone.

"No! Don't do this! Don't make me forget! NO!" he screamed so loudly he knew that his father must have cast a spell to not allow noise to escape so the healers still didn't seem to notice. Loki slumped in bed and looked to be asleep again.

"It is done." his father said stiffly but his eye looked more emotional. Thor looked down at his hands that had held Loki down in disgust. Why had he done that? Again? After the last time. Because his father had commanded him to a small voice answer weakly. He had held his brother down for something he was felt was wrong because his father had commanded him to. His father was the king surely he knew what he was doing? He had never questioned his father's actions before he had always thought him wise and having all knowledge, but he found himself questioning him a little. Surely they had just done the right thing, he tried to convince himself. Loki would not remember the brute and his harmful actions. Loki would not remember the bruises that the brute had put into his skin. Surely Loki would be happier not knowing? Loki's screams suggested otherwise. Had they done the right thing? Were he and his father wrong to have done that to Loki?

"Are you ready?" his father asked him interrupting his confused thoughts. Thor nodded the sooner he forgot about what had just happened the better than he could stop thinking such treacherous thoughts. His father sent a light flash of light at him.

* * *

Thor looked around the healing room confused to why he was there when he felt fine. However he turned to see Loki asleep on a healing bed. That must be why he was here, even if he couldn't remember what had happened to his brother.

"Father?" Thor asked confused and his father merely turned to look at Loki.

"What happened to Loki?" his father didn't answer right away.

"You and him were sparring. It got a little heated and you used more strength then you meant to." Thor frowned it was his fault that Loki had to be here? Not that this was the first time that had ever happened. Sometimes his brother used his words so effectively that it made Thor too mad to control his strength around his brother. Still Loki looked so still and Thor knew his words were probably true due to the amount of guilt he was feeling.

"Why don't I remember?" Thor asked confused.

"Loki threw powerful magic at you. I doubt even he knows how powerful it was since you don't remember that must be what the magic did." Thor nodded having no reason to think that there was anything off with the statement after all he knew very little about magic.

"Then I will wait by his bedside to apologize." Thor said and made his way to Loki side to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end only two chapters more to go.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Thor

Thor's eyes opened and he was back in the present. Thor looked at his father not sure what it was he should say. His father had taken away their memories. His only about 2 weeks worth but years worth of his brothers. He understood now what his father had been talking about before and his heart was heavy.

He hadn't wanted Loki to know that Loki hated Thor for what he had done to the boy Loki had loved so much. It was a big part of the reason he had gone along with his father's suggestion, because he thought that was the only way he could have his brother back the one who didn't hate him. It was selfish of him he realized now and had started realized before the spell had been put on him. He hadn't wanted to see his brother suffer and he didn't want his brother to hate him. That was why he hadn't fought his father on his decision. It was why he obeyed his father commands.

"You think he knows." Thor said softly.

"You have to understand what I did. I just thought if I could spare the two of you the knowledge of what had happened then everything would be better... But I never heavily read up on memories spells until recently."

"What aren't you telling me?" Thor asked although that wasn't exactly what was happening. His father was telling him just not a pace that Thor was particularly fond of.

"Memory spells only take away the memories. They don't take away the feelings associated with them." Thor nodded taking that in. That meant that his brother would have hated him, but wouldn't have known why he hated him so much. And because he didn't know the reason there was no chance for him to move on. So Loki had been stuck with the same feelings of anger, despair and grief for centuries without knowing why. Thor couldn't image how horrible that would be. Hating so much and not even knowing the reason. His friends had always said that Loki was jealous of him and maybe he was a little. But to have such a deep resentment burning inside you for so long without knowing why or being able to stop it... Thor could now understand for the first time what might have driven Loki to attack him.

"There a reason that memory spells are only supposed to be used as a last resort. I just wanted to protect Loki but I fear it did the opposite." Thor didn't say anything but he secretly agreed. He wished he could back in time and stop all of this from happening.

"When do you think he found out?" Thor asked in a small voice almost not wanting to know the answer to the question.

"I'm not completely sure, but memory spells and other spells can sometimes be dispelled by powerful artifacts. Loki had come into contact with three such gems. The casket of ancient winters, the scepter he had on earth and the Tesseract. Any of those artifacts could have striped his mind of the memory spell.

"The Casket." Thor found himself saying, even though it was more a wish more than anything else. If it hadn't been the casket then Loki had done everything he had done without the memories to influence him. Although he supposed that the burning resentment Loki felt towards him still would have been there but he still hoped it was the casket.

"I'm not sure but I think you may be right." his father said. Thor got up from his chair.

"I have to find him."

"Thor what do you think we've been doing ever since he escaped?" His father said wearily.

"Not to bring him back" Thor shook his head "I have to go and talk to him."

"He cannot be reasoned with." Odin said shaking his head softly.

"But this is our fault!" Thor argued.

"We were trying to do what we thought best and we did not force Loki to do any of the grievous acts that he did."

"But would he have done them if he hadn't been feeling centuries of resentment because of the memory spell?!" Thor argued loudly. Loki had always said that was how Thor tried to win arguments. Rather than having the most sound argument Thor thought that he could win simply by being the loudest.

"And if he did remember then he would have plenty of reason to be angry! To know that in addition to being lied about his heritage his memories had been tampered with!"

"Loki may have had all the reasons in the world, but he still did what he did even though he had to have known it was wrong or he wouldn't have lied about it." Thor shook his head unwilling to listen to his father anymore about this. He needed to talk to Loki needed Loki to let him apologize.

"It doesn't matter. Now that I know why he's angry maybe I can stop it." it sounded naive even to his own ears, but Thor was still going to find Loki and apologize.

"Thor don't, Loki has tried to kill you several times."

"I don't care!" Thor yelled and he didn't. If Loki tried to kill him again, or even succeeded this time he had to tell him he was sorry that he went along with their father's plan. That he was sorry that he hadn't thought of how the brute death would affect him, even if he still wasn't sorry that he killed him. His blood still boiled at the thought of that brute touching his brother in the way that he had.

"Thor I ask you not to go looking for him. He's dangerous and unpredictable and cunning."

"He is my brother and I will find him and I will apologize." he normally didn't disobey his father. It was normally never a thought in his mind that his father could be wrong. But it was his listening to his father trusting that his father had known best when in reality he hadn't that had caused this mess in the first place. Thor turned on his hell and exited his father's study he didn't care what it took he was going to find his brother and they were going to talk.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Thor. 
> 
> Okay I thought I mentioned this but I don't think that I actually did. Loki in the events of most of the story is the Midgardian equivalent of 13. He's really young and immature and doesn't necessarily see things the same way that an adult would.

It had taken quite a while and threatening quite a few people before Thor found him, surprisingly on earth and surprising in a fancy hotel room. Or maybe not so surprisingly; after all his brother had always like the finer things. The hotel had  high ceilings and the room they were in had dark hardwood floors. Thor could only see the top of Loki's head peaking over an orange chair that was facing away from him. But he knew his brother's head, even just the back of it well enough and knew it was him.

"Are you planing to take me back to Asgard?" Loki said turning his chair around with magic, he sounded bored. Thor didn't say anything just looked at his brother for a long minute.

"Speak." Loki growled angrily after Thor just stood there for a long minute looking at his brother, remembering him on the floor as the brute kicked him again and again. The soft whimpers of his brother shuttered through his ears.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to protect you." Loki's eyes for a moment and showed shock before his face became a mask again.

"So, father told you." his voice not giving away anything.

"He took away the spell that was keeping my memories back." Thor admitted and Loki glared at him and he wondered if he maybe should have phrased that differently?

"Of course he takes away the spell on you." Loki said bitterly and angry.

"I'm sorry." Thor said earnestly. He wanted desperately for Loki to believe to forgive him and then maybe they could go back to being brothers and everything would be okay.

"No you're not!" Loki yelled getting up from the chair. Thor realized that Loki was talking about the killing of the brute.

"I'm not sorry that I killed him, but I'm sorry that I helped father make you forget about it."

"You held me down again like you did with the dwarfs!" Loki yelled. Thor turned his face downwards at the reminder that it had been more than once that he had done his father's bidding to the detriment of his brother.

"I'm sorry Loki. I was trying to protect you." Thor said earnestly. Loki stepped a few steps closer to him his eyes held rage and pain.

"Protect me! You killed the man that I loved in front of me!" Loki grabbed his arm in a vice like grip. Thor wasn't sure if he could break out of it if he wanted to but he didn't want to, so he didn't try.

"He was hurting you!" Thor yelled back angrily. He could see it whenever he closed his eyes, it was the reason he had hadn't exactly gotten a lot of sleep in the last few days. The sound of the kicking and the sounds Loki made kept coming into his mind. Loki let go of his arm and glared harshly at him.

"That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that I loved him and you killed him in front of me! I was young and heartbroken, but if you had just given me time I would have eventually gotten over it! But no you couldn't and you couldn't even trust me to get over it myself. You gave two weeks! I had been with him for ten years and you gave me two weeks before you decided that I was too weak to deal with it! I was young and it was the first time I had ever dealt with heartbreak and you killed him!" Loki roared. "I would have eventually gotten through it, but no you couldn't even trust me to do that!" Thor hadn't thought of it that way. All he had thought about was the fact that he couldn't watch his brother go through the pain.

"I'm sorry, I could not watch you suffer." Thor said honestly. Maybe though, if he had been a little more willing to watch him suffer to help him at the time it would have made his suffering later in life a lot less worse.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have killed him in front of me!" Loki snarled. Thor wished that he hadn't, but hadn't been thinking, just reacting.

"Loki he was hurting you and I couldn't bear to see you hurt." Thor said honestly his eyes filling up with tears as he remembered watching the brute kick him again and again in the stomach. "I was just trying to protect you. He would have killed you, he nearly did!" Loki swallowed and for a moment looked away.

"Do you have any idea how it felt to resent you for centuries without even knowing why I did?" Loki said softly and it was worse than if he had yelled it "Everyone said I was just jealous. Jealous that wasn't as strong. Jealous that I couldn't fight like you and after so much time with people telling me that was why and not knowing myself... I thought that must be the reason" he said holding his hands up.

"But I didn't know. I had no idea until I touched that bloody casket." Loki said bitterly. So it had been the casket Thor told himself. He thought he would feel better knowing but he didn't. "Did you know that your mind is only really built to handle one consciousness at a time, and when you have more than one consciousness in your mind it does strange things to it?" Loki asked like he used to when they were kids. Loki used to follow him around giving him what Thor had deemed unless bits of information that he had forgotten seconds after Loki told him. However, he was sure that this wasn't useless information. He was also sure it had something to do with what had happened after Loki had touched the casket.

"For you it was two weeks. The memories I'm sure integrated fine" Loki said "but for me it was ten years, my memories didn't integrate so well. I had to handle both memories at once. It was like my 500 year old self and my 1000 year old self had to share a head." Thor couldn't image what that would be like even him sharing his head with himself from 5 years ago seemed awful and confusing. No wonder Loki had seemed mad. "I was angry that you and father had hid the memories from me, as well as dealing my heritage." Thor had momentarily forgotten that. Having to deal with your heritage while finding out about having his memories manipulated, while dealing with his 500 year old self. Now he understood the madness that he had seen in his brother.

"Is that.. are your memories...because of what I did..Is that why you tried to kill me?" Thor asked hesitantly almost not wanted to know but at same time wanting to.

"I tried to kill you because somehow even though you were being punished, you still managed to find friends to find love and YOU took that away from me! Besides the fact I finally had something that you wanted to be king and you couldn't even let me have it!" Loki shouted again.

"You were hurting people. You almost destroyed the entire Jotun race." Thor argued back.

"The Joutns tried to destroy me first!" Loki yelled back and Thor realized he was right. Not that he was right to destroy the Jotuns, but he could see where Loki could think that he was right to. The Jotuns, or at least his father the king had left him to die. Not to mention with what Loki said, with the two versions of himself in his head it was probably a little harder to think rationally. Especially with all the anger that the younger Loki had and the knowledge that his birth father the king had tried to kill him. Still Loki still seemed to believe it.

"One Jotun tried to destroy you. Just the one." Thor argued.

"You know what Odin always said, a king speaks for his people. My father was the king and he left me to die and he speaks for his people."

"Loki." Thor sighed since they were getting a little off topic, and Thor had no real hope of getting Loki to see the error of his ways in that instance without a better argument. Besides he was finally getting answers to the questions that had been plaguing him since Loki had tried to kill him the first time. So he knew why Loki had tried to kill him and why Loki had been so desperate to kill Jotunhheim. What else had he wanted to know?

"And your lie about father?"

"That was to punish him as much as you. You killed someone I loved. So I made you think that someone you loved was dead and fa-Odin surely saw that as well." Thor didn't like it and he was still angry about it but he understood now. "What of earth?" Loki looked away from him for a moment.

"It wasn't until after earth that my mind was able to sort where the memories should and go and my memories integrated. But it was for the same reason. You love Jane and you loved Earth and I will take one of them from you." Will not past tense. will as in Loki wasn't quite done with his vengeance.

"Surely there a way we can past this?" Thor said although he was a little afraid to hope.

"No." Loki said coldly.

"He was going to kill you." Loki nodded.

"But I still loved him.." Loki said and swallowed tightly seeming to be trying to keep his voice and emotions under control. "You know what the worst part is? I might have forgiven you if you would have just let me remember." Loki said softly. Thor nodded sadly biting on his lip to keep himself from crying. He was afraid of that.

"I'm sorry Loki. I'm sorry that me and father made you forget, it was wrong of us." Thor said some stubborn part of him thinking that somehow this situation could be salvaged. That they could go back to being brothers. Or maybe it was a naive part of him?

"It was wrong of you? You stole my memories!" Loki yelled and Thor nodded. He had, he couldn't deny that.

"But do you understand why I did so? Do you know that I was trying to protect you? That that is why I killed him in the first place?" Thor asked earnestly.

"If reasons mattered than I wouldn't have been in prison. Only actions matter." Loki said coldly.

"You killed Atli and then you made me forget about him." Loki said in the same cold voice.

"Loki I love you. I'm aware I did wrong now" he guessed he was even aware he had been wrong back then as well, he just hadn't stopped himself in time. "I'm sorry. If I could go back in time I would change it." Thor swore.

"But you can't go back in time can you?" Loki said with a sneer.

"But it doesn't have to be like this." Thor said surely now that they both knew they could fix it?

"You can come home, with me." Loki laughed.

"If you think that than you're even more of an idiot than I previously thought and that's saying something." Loki said derisively.

"Loki it does not have to be this way." Thor pleaded.

"Oh I think it does. There's no going back to the way that things used to be. There is no undoing what's already been done, there is only vengeance. That is the only route I have available to me." Thor shook his head.

"It is not. You can forgive me and I will forgive you and we can put all of this behind us." Thor said. He knew it was foolish to hope for such an outcome, but he could see he and his brother laughing in the halls of Asgard like they used to when they were children. Loki laughed although Thor doubted very much Loki was happy.

"You think you can say sorry and everything will be okay? It won't." Loki said smirked maliciously.

"That is because you won't let it be." Thor said sadly.

"It's too late for any of that." Loki said dismissively.

"It's doesn't have to be. Surely there is a part of you that wants our family to be whole again?"

"Our family can never be whole." Loki said quietly and Thor knew he was talking about their mother. Their father also hadn't really seemed into trying to reconcile with Loki even after he had found out what had happened with Loki.

"Then we can be a family." Thor said. "Just tell me what you need to get past this and I will do it" Thor paused "nearly anything." he said nearly was a good word to put in there since it was Loki who he was talking to.

"There is nothing you can do. Your words or actions won't change what has happened in the past. The only way that it can ever be fixed between us if you lose something you love as well. Be it earth or Jane. When you understand what it is like to have your brother take something that you love so dearly... only then can we get past this. " Loki said his voice trembling with rage and pain but he could see the honesty in Loki's eyes.

"Please brother no." Thor pleaded. This couldn't be the path they were on now. Thor had been much more able to be enemies before when he hadn't known his culpability in the matter. It hadn't been pleasant by any means. It hadn't been pleasant knowing that his brother was out there doing terrible deeds. Nor had it been pleasant knowing that it was his duty to stop him even if it meant hurting Loki. But if Loki and Thor were to remain on opposite sides it would be even worse now. The guilt he had would get even worse, but he would still have to stop Loki. Thor noticed that tears were falling down his checks and he wasn't quite sure when it was that they had started.

"Don't you want for things to go back as they were?" Thor said grasping at strews. It was apparently the wrong thing to say though because Loki's eyes hardened

"No Thor, because you and I remember that time period much differently. Would you mind telling me the names of the people who told you where to find me?" Loki said and Thor frowned as wondered about the sudden change of subject.

"Why do you wish to know?" Loki shrugged.

"They told you where I was. That is a major lapse in judgment, so I'm going to have to kill them. However if you tell me I promise to kill them quickly, they will feel little pain. If you don't tell me however I will kill them less quickly." Loki rolled his eyes at Thor for some reason possibly because of the horror in his eyes at Loki's statement.

"Is that a yes you'll tell me, or a no you won't?" Loki asked and Thor just silently pleaded with him one more time to give up all the madness to let them be brothers again.

"Very well. Not so quick it is." Loki said and made a few motions with his hand although Thor wasn't sure what exactly it was he was doing. However he could safely guess it had something to do with magic.

"Oh and don't come looking for me here again because I will not be here." Loki said and then disappeared in a flash of green. Thor's tears kept leaking their way down his checks and he sighed. he had not changed Loki's mind but at least now he understood why Loki was so angry.

Years ago

_Loki felt the power of casket fill him and saw as it made his skin blue. He also felt something else a crackle like something was breaking. But he shoved whatever it was to the back of his mind as he heard Odin and knew that he was in the room._

_It wasn't until later that Loki realized what had happened when he had touched the casket. The casket had overpowered all the currents spells on him ,the one that made him look Aesir and also the one made him forget. A decades worth of memories flooded back into him filling his consciousness simultaneous with his present adult self and his past adolescent self._

_He was overcome with the fact he had been lied to about his heritage and his memory had been wiped. The knowledge of both things was tearing his mind apart and the only way he could survive was to suppress one of them until he was in a little bit better state of mind. He turned and saw his father and saw that he had to seen him be blue. Loki couldn't suppress the knowledge of his heritage so he suppressed the other. He would get to other issue later right now he had some answers he needed to get from his father about his heritage._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter and the end of this story. Let me know if you liked it and please comment.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think


End file.
